So, while dining at Le Rendezvous in San Bernardino, I had as much an idea of what I was eating while I slurped the chilled vichyssoise as when I dined with the Katchewa tribe in a remote part of the Serengheti - if you do ever make it there, I strongly recommend the grilled dung beetle.

Anyway, I started my dining experience at Le Rendezvous with the chilled vichyssoise. I know you all look to me for guidance in culinary translation. As well you should, since I am half French. "Chilled vichyssoise" ... translation: cold soup. It takes a little getting used to, but it's good.

I was personally worried that the owners of Le Rendezvous would become offended if I asked them to heat it up in the microwave. So if you're worried about it, just order the French onion soup. That's hot. Trust me.

As appetizers, you can't go wrong with "escargots de bourgogne" (translation: snails in a grubby sauce). However, if you are a weak- willed individual, they have scampi au Pernod en cote (translation: shrimp).

The reason French food is so notorious for being delicious is because of the time and care a good chef puts into his dishes. As an example of what I mean, order the spinach salad flamb. This needs no translation, as it is just as it sounds. Marvel at the French masters as they burn your salad.

For the entree I can't recommend highly enough "Canard Montgomery" (translation: roast duckling in cherry sauce). This is incredible and cannot get a higher rating!

However, it is now time for ol' Rob to stand on his soapbox and give his commentary. It's the same thing you've heard before: I want more food! I want bigger portions and more meat. I'm not messing around here. I have the same complaints with fast food chains as well. You just don't get enough. When you're 5-feet 2-inches, 350- pounds like I am, less than 10 escargots aren't gonna do much for you. I wanna start seeing words like "in quantity" and "a gross of" on menus, or else I'm gonna have to start kicking some rump roast or pork butt.

Now, I'm not saying that Le Rendezvous serves small portions because ... if truth be told, for a French restaurant they're probably considered large. You have to remember that French people in general are quite healthy without very much incidence of obesity. Yet, all they do is pound wine and eat cheese and super-rich foods that would make an American clutch their chest and scream, "saturated fat!"

Well, this situation has perplexed scientists for years and all kinds of theories have been proposed. I'm no Linus Pauling, but I'd lay a nice little wager on the fact that it's the smaller portions they eat. You can eat as many Big Macs as you want, as long as you don't want them on the same day. Moderation, people - that's what we have to learn from the French.

Le Rendezvous is located at 4775 N. Sierra Way in San Bernardino. For a good time, call (909) 883-1231.

Robert Bledsoe is producer of the Inland Empire Television News' weekly "Restaurant Review" segment, airing Thursdays.