Luckily, I've stumbled upon DiCenso. I know, I know, it's been around for umpteen years, but I just went there for the first time. You see so many places to eat as you drive around, it's ridiculous. You can't possibly try them all. Most of them are complete s-crap anyways and better suited for feeding the cattle down in Chino, rather than the humans of the Inland Empire.

DiCenso is located in Upland and close to the night life of that region. It is also one of the finest human feed troughs around.

The prices may be slightly higher than the Olive Garden (then again, maybe they're not; how the hell should I know, I don't eat there), but the quality makes it all worthwhile. If you're going to order appetizers, I highly recommend the fried artichoke hearts ($5.95).

Maybe the words "fried" and "heart" in the same sentence scares you, but I'm here to tell you that one of the most important things anyone can remember to do in this short journey called life is to give oneself a gift everyday. A gift can be something as small as watching your favorite soap opera, or as large as buying yourself a brand new car. Whatever it is, it has got to be an indulgence, a luxury by any other name. Why is this so damn important? Three words: piece of mind. Life is a pursuit of happiness. I know I don't wake up in the morning to go to work. The reason I wake up is to earn money enough to allow me to have a rip-roarin' time on this planet we call Earth.

I'm not telling you all to go out and quit your jobs - after all, there are a couple of sick puppies out there who actually enjoy their work - and hustle drugs for the immediate pleasures they may bring. What I'm telling you is to order the fumduckin' artichoke hearts. You've never tasted an appetizer this good. And the dippin' sauce is to die for.

I tried the fried calamari ($5.95) as well, and then went onto the entreés. The gnocchi ($7.95) are potato dumplings served in a rich meat sauce. The Lasagna Al Forno ($9.95) is a house specialty. I don't have a clue who Al Forno is, but let me tell you that DiCenso makes their lasagna a little different than the rest. The first thing you'll notice is that it is not layered like everybody else's. Instead, it looks more like manicotti. Second, they use veal as the meat.

Going back to manicotti, the best thing I tried was the crab manicotti ($12.95). Oh sure, there's a cheaper cheese version, but didn't you listen to what I told you about giving yourself a gift everyday? Gees, I think you must be losing your hearing.

DiCenso is located on Central Ave. (former Bengie's building) in Upland.