RESTAURANT REVIEW

More Restaurant Hates

by Joe Lyons

Some time ago, I wrote about the things that I really hate to see happen in restaurants. Well, I am still an unhappy consumer and I thought it was time to vent my feelings again.

• 1. A recent problem has been the addition of flavored iced tea. A lot of people like the fruity new flavors and that's fine, but I like plain old Lipton orange pekoe, cold. When I swallow a mouthful of raspberry, I am shocked. If the restaurants want to serve this stuff, that's fine, but warn me first, and give me an option. Too often the waitress just shrugs her shoulders because that's all that they have.
  
  Well, they don't have me.
  
  
• 2. Speaking of which, like the doctor on the "Simpsons," too many waiters and waitresses seem to think that inappropriate laughter is just fine. Got the wrong order? Just got bad news on the cell phone? Suddenly had a allergic reaction to something in the food? They laugh. And when they laugh, it only makes me madder. But they'll expect a tip anyhow, won't they?
  
  
• 3. Fast food places really upset me, but I guess it's my own fault for eating there, right? The kids behind the counter love to ask me if I want to super-size my order, but they have been trained to not mention the price increase. If I ask them if super-sizing will add 80 cents to my order, they just laugh, inappropriately.
  
  
• 4. Along with hidden charges, added charges also upset me. Order your burger with cheese and it's 40 cents more. Ask to get it without pickle and tomato and there is no discount. It would be great if I could trade the pickle and tomato for the cheese, but no, that can't happen.
  
  
• 5. Wrong orders are becoming entirely too common. No I did NOT order cottage cheese with my prime rib. (They laugh.) Diet soda for regular seems to happen so often that I am wondering if they do it on purpose. Then they deny it. They are sure that I am wrong.
  
  Trust me, I can taste the difference.
  
  
• 6. I guess that there is not a lot that I can do about screaming children in the fast food restaurants. Kids are welcome, even encouraged. And it is their nature to scream. But please do not take your screaming progeny to the nice sit down restaurants. Hire a babysitter. Leave them with their grandparents, or teach them some manners. But do not expose me to the rotten behavior that you are letting them get away with.
  
  
• 7. Finally, there is the buffet line. It could be Sizzler or a Sunday brunch or a wedding reception. Invariably, I wind up behind somebody who just can't seem to be able to decide if they want the cucumber or not. So with 50 people in back of them, they stand there trying to make up their minds.
  
  MOVE ALONG!!!
  
  Take what you like and let the next person move up. If you don't like it, don't eat it. If you want more, go back. But remember that there are other people who are in line waiting to eat. If no one is in front of you and a long line is standing behind you, then this applies to you.
  
  Call me crotchety. Call me an old "fuddy duddy." I enjoy eating, and when things or people conspire to ruin the moment for me, I take it personally.
  
  Remember, I am out there, and I am watching you!