“The 11 Laws of Likability: Relationship Networking…
Because People Do Business With People They Like,”
By Michelle Tillis Lederman; AMACOM Books,
New York, New York; 2011; 226 pages; $16.95.

For the past decade there has been a growing downplay of what is often called “schmoozing” customers. That’s the technique that was frequently used before the 21st Century to build customer relations and influenced buying decisions. To a certain extent author Michelle Lederman is advocating the return likability. Not the kind of likability that Arthur Miller’s fictional salesperson, Willy Loman, practiced. Willy not only wanted to be “liked, but well liked.” That’s not what Ms. Lederman is proposing.
Nor is the author replacing the need for human likability with the current arm’s length chill between buyer and seller. As she notes, “Many networking experts urge people to be strategic and deliberate to a fault, focusing on how to work a room and get in front of key people. The act of meeting people and seeking connections begins to feel like a dreaded chore, and when it feels like something you have to do rather than want to do, it’s hard to motivate yourself to do it at all, let alone do it well.”
She goes on to point out:
“Contrary to what many networking experts counsel (and what I, too, used to believe) every interaction does not need to have an intent or specific objective. We do not need to focus with laser like precision on what our takeaway from a conversation will be, because building relationships is not about transactions—it’s about connections. It is about creating opportunities for honest and authentic interactions, and making them advantageous for all parties involved. It’s about liking and being liked.”
The author, however, is quick to point out that likability has little to do with sitting around a campfire sipping hot cocoa while singing “Cumbaya.” She states:
“Tapping into likability doesn’t mean making everything all perky and bright and constantly being happy. In some ways it’s just the opposite. Harnessing likability is about uncovering what is authentically likable—in you, in the other person, in your connection. It is through the strength of what is genuine that meaningful connections build into relationships. The term networking is simply another way to think about how to start a relationship. Our relationships are our network. Whether they stem from business or personal situations, our relationships are what support us, connect us, and allow us to progress in all aspects of our lives.”
The “11 laws of likability” are actually paradigms for networking and relationship building. They can be used as a key element of the selling function, the management function, or simply expanding your network of new friends. Lederman lists her chapter heading after each of the laws that she proposes: authenticity, self-image, perception, energy, curiosity, listening, similarity, mood memory, familiarity, giving, and patience.
There will be some people, many of them men, who may say that they can’t work the way that author Lederman proposes. That’s a shame because 30 years or more ago, virtually all outside salespeople and most managers (whether they were in sales or not) were men who knew the business importance of building likability among customers and subordinates. They learned how to network because it was an essential skill if they had any hope of making a living or successfully building a network of customers or co-workers.
“The 11 Laws of Likability” realistically offers a new look at a traditional way of building human connections in the marketplace. Also, without addressing the specific point, author Lederman offers a number of good reasons why customer service departments should put less emphasis on how long a phone representative speaks with a customer and more emphasis on retaining a paying customer. Lederman offers a refreshing breeze in a situation that has become a bit too foggy.

-- Henry Holtzman

 

Here are the current top 10 bestselling books for business. The list is compiled based on information received from retail bookstores throughout the U.S.A.

1. “Strengths Finder 2.0: A New and Updated Edition of the Online Test from Gallup’s Now, Discover Your Strengths,” by Tom Rath (Gallup Press…$22.95) (1)*
Discover your strengths and integrate them with your career.
2. “The Little Book of Leadership: The 12.5 Strengths of Responsible, Reliable, Remarkable Leaders That Create Results, Rewards, and Resilience,” by Jeffrey Gitomer & Paul Hersey (John Wiley & Son)…$22.00) (2)
A concise look at the fundamental traits of leadership.
3. “Steve Jobs,” by Walter Isaacson (Simon & Schuster…$35.00)**
The story of a modern Thomas Edison.
4. “EntreLeadership: 20 Years of Practical Business Wisdom From the Trenches” by Dave Ramsey (Simon & Schuster…$26.00) (3)
Experienced advice on business leadership.
5. “Reckless Endangerment: How Outsized Ambition, Greed, and Corruption Led to Economic Armageddon,” by Gretchen Morgenson (Times Books…$30.00) (4)
The why and how of America’s fall from economic grace.
6. “Nothing to Lose, Everything to Gain: How I Went From Gang Member to Multimillionaire Entrepreneur,” by Ryan Blair (Penguin Group…$16.00) (5)
How goal setting and total focus takes you from zero to 100%.
7. “The Money Class: Learn to Create Your New American Dream,” by Suze Orman (Random House Publishing…$26.00) (6)
Creating savings and equity in a new world of investment.
8. “The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding of Facebook: A Tale of Sex, Money, Genius, and Betrayal,” by Ben Bezrich (Knopf Doubleday…$18.12) (7)
A business book that’s so juicy that Hollywood made it a movie.
9. “That Used to Be Us: How America Fell Behind in the World It Invented and How We Can Come Back,” by Thomas L. Friedman & Michael Mandlebaum, (Farrar, Straus and Giroux…$28.00) (9)
One possible roadmap back to fiscal and market stability. .
10. “Brand and Reignite Your Business,” by Timothy R. Pearson (McGraw-Hill Companies…$18.00) (9)
Why it’s essential to reinvent your marketing approach right now.

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*(1) -- Indicates a book's previous position on the list.
** -- Indicates a book's first appearance on the list.